The Ministry of the Church During Seasons of Life: Where Do Singles Fit In?

You are likely familiar with the Bible story about the good husband who loves, protects, and provides for his wife. She, through her many acts of unfaithfulness, refuses his love and care. Finally, after many times of accepting her back after she has run after her lovers, he reluctantly divorces her. Once she has reached rock bottom, he rescues her and starts the process of healing, restoration, and reconciliation.

This story likely has you thinking of the Old Testament characters of Hosea and Gomer. But that is not the story described. This narrative is about God Himself. Hosea and Gomer symbolized God’s relationship with Israel. God wooed, rescued, provided for, and loved His wife, Israel. After being so faithfully cared for, Israel chose to follow after the heathen gods of the land of Canaan. Israel ‘played the harlot’ through her idolatry and spiritual unfaithfulness to God. While the book of Hosea and Gomer is a picture of how the Lord God dealt with Israel, the full scope of this story of love, divorce, and restoration is displayed in God’s relationship with Israel. Yes, God is Himself a divorce'. In Scripture, the Lord God chooses to identify Himself as a husband to Israel in the Old Testament, and in the New Testament as a Bridegroom in Jesus Christ to the Church, His Betrothed. What is unfamiliar to many is the idea that God is divorced. However, many passages in the Old Testament’s major and minor prophets speak of the unfaithfulness of Israel. In Jeremiah chapter 3, God explicitly issues Israel a certificate of divorce for her unfaithfulness.

In Scripture, the image of marriage is a metaphor for a deep truth: the relationship between God and His people is intimate. In the New Testament, God Himself through His Holy Spirit indwells believers. Those who believe in Jesus are sealed by His presence entering into their own hearts. This is stated several ways: through the in-dwelling Holy Spirit, being filled with the Spirit, and by having the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). These are the clearest descriptions of intimacy that can be conveyed. Human marriage and the intimacy of a husband and wife are just a reflection of this intimacy of Christ with His Bride, the Church (Ephesians 5: 22-23).

Since we are made in the image of God and desire an intimate relationship, both spiritually and physically, most people want to be married. There are seasons in life, however, that determine the timing as to whether one is married or not. Cultures help define these seasons as do physical maturation. The likelihood of being in a state of marriage during one’s life can be stated in years or decades. This means that for many Christians several years or much of life can be spent as a single believer. How does the church minister to these single believers, whether they are single by choice, through death of a spouse, or by divorce?

Many churches have ministries for children and youth, for college students, for the family, and for the church as a whole. But for many, the thought of where and how single adults fit into their ministry paradigm is either ignored, half-heartedly pursued, or discounted. This writer posits that this is a faulty strategy and offers the following thoughts for consideration.

Firstly, a ministry to believers who are single should fall under ‘Family Ministry’. It does not mean that single people are no longer part of a family unit just because they are no longer married. These believers may no longer have spouses, but they are likely to have children or are part of a larger family unit where they are members.

Secondly, single believers, including those who have gone through divorce, are not necessarily broken. All are not looking for healing because the Lord is likely to have already used His word, the balm of Gilead, to bring healing. His words offer comfort, wisdom, and guidance that can deal with the grief and pain of a difficult marriage, an unexpected separation, or the death of a spouse. This is not to say that some widowed and divorced individuals may not need additional assistance through godly counselors so they can walk the road of healing. However, to assume that most if not all divorced or widowed believers need this is wrong.

Look again at God and His divorce from Israel. God is the perfect husband. All He did for Israel was through love and benevolence. He provided the best of all things for His beloved. Yet Israel still walked away from Him. The premise that the fault for divorce falls equally on each spouse is wrong. Just as it takes two to make peace and only one to make war, it takes only one spouse to make decisions that will culminate in the death of a marriage.

The story of Catherine is along those lines. Her husband suffered from issues associated with childhood trauma. He never dealt with this trauma and thus was never healed. Catherine says that the Lord impressed her to continue in the marriage for the sake of her children and for her husband’s sake. The Lord wanted to heal and release him from the oppression of that earlier trauma. Catherine endured a difficult marriage for decades, but after many years and countless times of forgiveness, comfort, and love, the Lord finally said ‘enough’. Her spouse’s unfaithfulness destroyed the marriage covenant, and she found divorce was the only option. It was also the outcome the Lord allowed for her freedom and release from bondage. She said that at no time during those decades of marriage did the Lord lead her to go to a pastor, elder, or deacon for counsel. Why? Likely because those who would be giving counsel may have had gnosis, a knowledge of what Scriptures says, but not many would have had epignosis, an experiential knowledge of how to wisely traverse the best path during very difficult circumstances. When the time was right, the Lord directed her to a minister who knew. This godly man was not only a minister in the church, but he was also a thirty-year veteran chief of police. She said the minister listened, prayed, and counseled, “You must leave, you are not safe”. Catherine testifies to the Lord’s sufficiency and healing during a difficult marriage and His comfort and faithfulness during divorce.

How could a church wisely minister to all singles?

1. Incorporate a Singles Ministry within the church’s Family Ministry. This creates a place for a ministry to singles and ensures that those who are single are not treated as second-class believers.

2. Use Bible studies to bring healing to singles. Kay Arthur’s ‘Lord, Heal My Hurts’ is a powerful study where the character of God and His word can minister to those in pain. This pain may be from remaining single when one wants to be married, yet God has not yet led in that direction. The pain may be from divorce or from being widowed. The church needs to teach believers to run to Jesus, to strengthen themselves in the Lord, just as Jonathon encouraged David to strengthen himself in the Lord during days of pain and danger.

3. Encourage Sunday morning Bible study times where singles can be with other believers in the body. This would not be a class just for singles. It would be a bible study for all believers. Many singles do not have the time to take on too many extra activities during the week. Having a Sunday morning study time that is topical and not age or marital status oriented may achieve this. In this writer’s opinion, it would be necessary to offer at least three courses on Sunday mornings. For example, a study on a topic (how to witness); a book study (“Lord, Heal My Hurts); and a bible study (a study on the book of 1 John, or Jude, or…). Note that “Lord, Heal My Hurts” is an appropriate study for all believers. In the course of this writer’s professional divorce financial planning work, she has come across believers who were married and had difficult and challenging marriages. Yet, most people had no idea that their marriages were not good and were headed for divorce. But divorce is not the only pain in life. The trials of life span more than marriage and divorce. Abuse, addiction, and loss create their own pain.

4. Encourage and promote events that are targeted toward single believers. Announcing marriage retreats within the church and yet not giving equal time to singles events loudly convey the value a church places on its members who are single.

5. Preach a series of sermons on singles in Scripture. The most notable example is Jesus Christ Himself. Yet He is not eternally single. The great marriage supper of the Lamb is coming. As was mentioned above, marriage is the intent and desire of life, eternal life. In eternity, believers will neither marry nor be given in marriage as we currently know it, but the spiritual intimacy between Christ and believers will last forever. Other notable examples of singles in the New Testament are John the Baptist, Mary, Martha, Lazarus, Paul, Apollos, Lydia, Dorcas, Anna, and the Ethiopian eunuch. Note that Paul says that singles will be happier if they do not remarry. But, lest they sin through passion, they should remarry. Only some believers are given the gift of singleness in this life. Remember, too, that some of Jesus’ favorite earthly times were spent with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, other singles with whom he could fellowship.

6. Teach married couples the skills needed to befriend singles. Many married couples are hesitant to bring singles into their social circle. While the reasons vary, this writer has heard many widows and divorcees say that they lost their circle of friends when they became single. The sinful nature of people can create problems within the friendships between marrieds and singles. Leadership within the church can lead by word and example in embracing singles into the heart and body of the church.

7. Recognize that the rise in recent years of ‘gray divorce’ connotes the sad state of many marriages, even within the church. Gray divorce happens when spouses 50 and older divorce after long-term marriages. In the past, many women stayed in toxic marriages because of economic reasons. Those in these types of long-term marriages are not likely to take advantage of marriage counseling, marriage retreats, or any marriage improvement. They have given up hope and are simply waiting to outlive the other spouse. Then, they will have freedom. For some believers, singleness is a burden; for others, singleness is a blessing.

This article was written from a place of epignosis. It is highly probable that every person, every believer, will join the ranks of singles at some point in his or her adult life. It is wise for the church to prepare a ministry for this season of time. To have a narrow focus and minister only to widows implies that there is only one ‘right way’ to be single. This is not true.

Marriage is an important covenant, yet God Himself knows the challenges of two sinners living together for life in a marriage covenant. Jesus acknowledged that God allowed divorce because of the hardness of men’s hearts. (Matthew 19:8-9) Divorce is a reality in a fallen world with fallen natures. It is wise for the Church to take that to heart and to prepare a place for all singles, because there are many seasons of life. Many singles will not remain singles. Yet as long as they are, they need the ministry and nurture of the body of Christ right where they are in their ‘single’ season of life.

Ecclesiastes 3 New International Version

1There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

© Cheryl Nester, March 4, 2025. All Rights Reserved.